How to Break Your Habit of Oversharing

Do you impulsively unload private details to new acquaintances? Do you feel an inexplicable urge to break awkward silences or build connections by divulging intimate, sometimes inappropriate, information about yourself? Do you find it difficult to stop oversharing, even when you know that you’re making others uncomfortable?

Neurodivergent minds like ours are prone to oversharing because we love to immediately zing with people. We enjoy giving, sharing, and feeling like someone is our best friend after five minutes of meeting them. We want to convey to others that we’re an open book. That we’re sincere and authentic. A lifetime of challenges with social skills and making friends can also drive us to overshare in a desperate bid for connection.

Even if you exude high-quality friendship material, oversharing, as you and I both know, isn’t the best way to show it. In fact, it often backfires.

Curbing your habit of oversharing will come with time, but doing so requires lots of patience. Use these eight strategies to help you reel in your speech and share mindfully.

How to Stop Oversharing

1. Get to the root of it. Think back to moments when you’ve shared too much. Did you do it because you couldn’t stand the silence? Because you were nervous and dysregulated during the social interaction? Because you underestimated your intimacy level with the person or group? Did you even realize it was happening, or did someone point it out to you? Is it a combination of factors? Recognizing circumstances and situations that lead to oversharing is the first step to breaking the habit.

[Free Download: Become a Small Talk Superstar]

2. Go into “social spy” mode. Not sure what counts as oversharing? Try picking up on what others share about themselves and the varying degrees of familiarity in a group. Notice the unspoken rules that govern these conversations, and how others respond when someone discloses a detail about themselves. If a trusted friend of yours was part of the conversation, ask them later if they felt someone overshared, and compare your answers.

3. Gamify it! Challenge yourself to ask a certain number of questions before you start talking about yourself. You’ll reduce your chances of oversharing and be in a better position to bring up relevant topics for discussion.

4. Think, “How much do I trust this person?” Before you share an aspect of your personal life, pause and consider your level of familiarity with the person. Are they a friend, or are they becoming a friend? Put yourself in their shoes: If they were to share with you what you’re about to share with them, would it make you feel uncomfortable, given your current level of familiarity? (Tip: Carry something in your pocket to remind you of this question!)

5. Assess your emotional state to gauge your susceptibility to oversharing. A heightened or dysregulated state may make you more likely to, for example, vent to the receptionist about an earlier fight you had with your spouse as you check in for your doctor’s appointment.

[Read: Said too Much? How to Deal with Regret and Shame]

6. Practice telling tighter stories. There’s nothing wrong with sharing stories. But you risk oversharing if you tend to go off on a tangent. Before you share, ask yourself: “What do I want others to take away from my story? What’s its point?” If you catch yourself going down the rabbit hole mid-conversation, don’t fret. Gently steer yourself back and chuckle it off.

7. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Perhaps the detail or story you want to share verges into oversharing territory. Rather than throw it out completely, use it to inspire a more neutral talking point.

8. Don’t beat yourself up. Changing a habit takes time. Each time you enter a conversation, remember that you’re in practice mode. You’re not expecting perfection; you’re just working on a small piece of the puzzle. You’ll have good days, and you’ll have days when you’ll tell the person at the post office your life story. That’s okay. Tomorrow you’ll do better.

How to Stop Oversharing: Next Steps

• Free Download: The ADHD Friendship Guide for Adults
• Read: Is Your ADHD Causing Social Slip-Ups?
• Read: Don’t Just Talk, Communicate

The content for this article was derived from the ADDitude ADHD Experts webinar titled, “An Adult’s Guide to Fostering Friendships with ADHD” [Video Replay & Podcast #478] with Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC, which was broadcast on November 2, 2023.

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