“A Living Contradiction:” Stories of the AuDHD Experience

AuDHD — a combination of “autism” and “ADHD” — is a term that describes individuals who live with both neurotypes. While reporting varies substantially across studies, recent research estimates that 40% to 70% of autistic individuals also have ADHD.^{1 2} While the autism-ADHD link is recognized and increasingly studied today, this wasn’t always the case; until 2013, the DSM-5 did not allow for co-diagnosis of both conditions.

What’s it like to live with two neurotypes with overlapping and sometimes opposing traits? How do features commonly associated with autism — like strict adherence to routines, special interests, and stimming — harmonize or clash with ADHD features like hyperfocus, impulsivity, and novelty-seeking? How do common experiences with social functioning and masking show up? Here’s what ADDitude readers told us about the AuDHD experience and what they wish the world knew about living with autism and ADHD.

“I often feel like a living contradiction. I want order but cannot maintain it. I want to be systematic and precise but struggle with it, which leaves me constantly feeling not good enough (to my own standards) and like I can never quite ‘get there.’” — Samantha, Australia

“They require opposing needs sometimes. For example, I will often need a schedule to get things done, but a schedule that is too strict will feel conflicting. Generally, though, they help me have a unique and creative outlook on life. I am a hard worker and both good with the details and making quick connections. I can see to the heart of things. Being AuDHD doesn’t make my life as hard as being in a fundamentally ableist world does.” — Kaz

“They both amplify my executive functioning differences and sensory challenges. Medicating my ADHD also allows me to ‘push through’ some of my autism differences, which often leads to burnout and sleep issues. Sometimes my traits are in conflict, like wanting to take my time and be perfect but not having the attention span to do so. My ADHD brain signs me up for more than my autistic brain can deliver at times and vice versa.” — Dan, Australia

[Get This Free Resource: Autism Evaluation Checklist]

“When I do not have to box myself into typical working patterns, I find that autism and ADHD become complementary partners. I can create intricate plans while maintaining creative curiosity and flexibility. In terms of creative projects, this works wonderfully and allows a productive organic flow. What I wish others understood about me is that it’s the rigidity of the world that’s stopped me expressing myself and being productive. If I’m given the space, I can do wonderful things. The suffering comes when all of this magic is inhibited by fear in doing things differently.” — Chris, United Kingdom

“When my adult son misses social cues or feels socially awkward because of his ASD, the rejection sensitive dysphoria from his ADHD kicks into high gear, creating a cycle of embarrassment and frustration.” — Heather, Wisconsin

“I find they conflict often. My autistic brain is very logical and controlled, while my ADHD brain is ‘Yay! Just do it!’ It is exhausting.” — An ADDitude Reader

“My ADHD wants a million things to hyperfocus on while my ASD is happy with one or two. My ADHD wants to do ‘all the things,’ my ASD gets overwhelmed by it. They’re constantly clashing, so I look for ways I can support one with the other.” — Sharyn, Australia

[Read: How Can I Get Evaluated for Autism as an Adult?]

“I have diagnoses of both autism and ADHD, but I view these less as things I ‘have’ and more as labels that can go on my medical records to legitimize my difficulties with attention, memory, self-regulation, and verbal communication. Neither label on its own nor the combination is totally accurate to describe my disability. I wish that people understood that, while my mannerisms, difficulty communicating my needs, and difficulty regulating my own behavior may seem childlike, I’m a mature adult. Ideally, I would like support with these skills without being infantilized as I frequently feel I am.” — An ADDitude Reader

“I’m 51 and only started with ADHD medication this year. I’m a master at masking, and over all of these years I was able to find a balance between the two to function for the most part in ‘normal’ society. When I started Ritalin, it was magic for my ADHD symptoms, but what I didn’t see (but my psychiatrist and those around me did) was that my autism came out in full force. It was terrible for me at work, affecting relationships with colleagues negatively as well as with my husband. So I was switched to another medication, which frankly doesn’t work so well at all, but still sufficiently dampens my autistic traits. I am by no means expecting perfection, but I have yet to find a balance with which I’m satisfied.” — An ADDitude Reader

“My symptoms make me somewhat of an outcast, especially as an adult, in most situations. Both disorders cause me to miss social cues or misunderstand them. It’s likely why I constantly overshare. I am incredibly fidgety and stim all the time. I am always looking for some kind of dopamine-producing situation, so I’m easily distracted and/or bored and I hyperfocus a lot. Some benefits of being AuDHD include hyperfocus, love of menial tasks, calming down by stimming, ease in talking to new people, and sympathy/empathy for others.” — Jordan, California

“Not understanding myself and what AuDHD is — that is what hurts my mental health the most. I think I would value myself and my quirks more if I understood myself better from a neurodivergent perspective rather than a broken neurotypical one. I was diagnosed late and I’m struggling to accept that my life didn’t have to be this hard.” — CJ, Australia

“The biggest challenge with autism is spending lots of time figuring out what everyone means or why they behave in certain ways and how I’m meant to respond. Combined with ADHD and trying to get through the day with the jumble in my head and a brain that never stops, I’m exhausted a lot of the time. Exercise really helps. I’ve given up wanting or needing others to understand me.” — An ADDitude Reader

“I live with both ADHD and autism. I am very newly diagnosed and I am still working through all of the self-forgiveness that comes with realizing that my underachievement in life, emotionality, super-strong empathy, and easily-overwhelmed nature are not character flaws. I can see the benefits, such as being a very observant person who finds beauty in things that many people don’t tend to notice. I know I am lucky to feel things as keenly as I do but these traits also get in the way of feeling and acting ‘normally.’ I constantly wonder how other people have such thick skin. I also think that my ADHD — especially impulsiveness, big-picture thinking, optimism, and creative drive — tends to pull me out of bouts of depression that my autism would otherwise remain in. A tug of war is how it often feels, and if I look at my feelings/mood/outgoingness over a two-week period, some days will look the absolute opposite of others.” — Kellie

“Autism makes me an extreme rule follower. When ADHD impulsivity comes into play, it makes me angry with myself because I’ve ‘broken a rule.’ Both can play into agoraphobia and social interaction; At any point, I am either trying to either blend into the wall or thinking about how abnormal I am even as I try to chat and sound normal.” — Sandy, Massachusetts

“Autism makes some routine necessary. ADHD rebels against it. I have to make routines that allow me to change out parts. AuDHD keeps my life from becoming boring.” — Cassandra

“I was recently diagnosed with autism at the age of 63. I am female, so maybe that is why my diagnosis came late. I’ve known about my ADHD for many years. I didn’t always like myself, being so odd and all, but now I am fine with it. Actually, I don’t want to be like other people. I may be odd, but I am also gifted and you will not forget me. Getting older allows you to become who you were always meant to be, and that is very good.”. — Jane, Texas

AuDHD: Next Steps

• Self-Test: Autism in Adults
• Read: ADHD and Adult Autism – Symptoms, Diagnosis & Interventions for Both
• Read: “Could I Be Autistic, Too?” Signs of Autism in Women with ADHD
• Read: “How I’m Improving the Workplace for Adults with Autism”
• Get the Free eBook “The Truth About Autism in Adults”

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Sources

¹ Hours, C., Recasens, C., & Baleyte, J. M. (2022). ASD and ADHD Comorbidity: What Are We Talking About?. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 13, 837424. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2022.837424

² Rong, Y., Yang, C-J, Jin Y, Wang Y. (2021). Prevalence of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in individuals with autism spectrum disorder: a meta-analysis. Res Autism Spectr Disord. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.rasd.2021.101759

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